Perfectionism Therapy in NYC: Why High-Achieving Women Feel Like They're Still Falling Short
“If I slow down, I can’t handle it. I can’t stop moving and I can’t imagine stopping.”
I hear this a lot. Sometimes it’s whispered. Sometimes it comes through tears. Sometimes it’s said with a shrug, like it’s just a fact of life.
In a city like New York, perfectionism hides in plain sight. It's rewarded. Normalized. Sometimes even admired. But what it actually feels like? That’s a different story.
What Perfectionism Feels Like
Perfectionism isn’t just having high standards or wanting to do well. It can feel like you’re being driven by a motor you didn’t sign up for, one that won’t shut off.
You keep pushing toward a goal, but the goalpost moves every time you get close.
It looks like:
Sob-laughing when you drop your keys after carrying groceries up to your fourth-floor walk-up
Overthinking every conversation
Always doing “more” in relationships, but not knowing what that “more” actually is
Collapsing into bed every night, exhausted, and waking up still tired
It’s not ambition. It’s survival.
And it’s exhausting.
Why NYC Culture Makes It Worse
New York is a place where hustle is currency. You're celebrated for how much you’re doing, achieving, producing. The bar is always higher. The cost of living — financially, emotionally, and energetically — is just more.
It’s competitive, chaotic, expensive, overstimulating.
Even something simple like getting eggs at Trader Joe’s can feel like a battle.
If you want to enjoy the city — the shows, the art, the dinners, the fresh air — it usually means spending more time, more energy, and more money. That’s a lot of pressure.
And for women, especially high-achieving, emotionally intelligent women, there’s often an invisible layer. You’re working twice as hard for half the respect.
Why Therapy Might Not Have Helped Yet
You might already know you’re a perfectionist. You might even be in therapy or have been before. You’ve got the insight. You can name the patterns.
But nothing feels different.
That’s not because you’re failing. It’s because your nervous system is tired. You’ve been in survival mode for years, maybe decades. Rest doesn’t feel safe. It feels like a threat.
That’s where this work goes deeper.
What Therapy for Perfectionism Can Look Like
This work isn’t just about unpacking your past.
It’s about understanding how your body responds to pressure and how to help it feel safe enough to pause.
We explore:
Why rest feels threatening
How perfectionism protected you
What safety might actually look like in your life
How to slow down without losing yourself
This work isn’t about adding more strategies to your list. It’s about helping you rebuild a relationship with yourself that isn’t based on performance.
What I Want You to Know
Even if it feels like slowing down will lead to collapse, it won’t.
What will lead to collapse is refusing to rest.
Your body is already asking for something different. It’s okay to listen.
What Healing Might Look Like
Healing might look like:
Sitting by the window with a cup of tea and not thinking about your to-do list
Journaling without trying to find the “right” answer, but just to hear yourself clearly again
Signing up for that language class you’ve always said you’d take
Trusting that you can get things done without needing to be on all the time
If that sounds like something you're craving, you might find my guided journal helpful. It’s designed to help you look inward without shame and explore your story at your own pace.
If You’re Googling This at 1 AM
You’re not broken.
You’re not lazy.
And you’re not proving anything by doing it all alone.
Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is let yourself take the easier way.
If you’re ready to try something different, I’d be honored to walk with you.
Schedule a free consult or learn more about me and my offerings.
If you’re working on unlearning perfectionism in relationships, you might also want to check out my Values-Informed Dating Worksheet.
It’s a free tool that helps you explore what actually matters to you — not what you’ve been taught to want.
Downloading it will also sign you up for my newsletter, where I share quiet thoughts, gentle guidance, and occasional journal prompts for self-reflection.