What if I’ve done all the self-help and still feel stuck?

What Self-Help Books Miss

Self-reflection is massively important. But self-help—if done poorly—can bypass that reflection entirely by handing you tools that worked for someone else, not necessarily for you.

These tools might be the beginning of the path, but they won't get you all the way there. Lasting change requires regular actions aligned with your values, your needs, and your reality—not someone else’s. Not someone who could afford to hire a nanny, order takeout regularly, or take a six-month sabbatical to write a book.

The author doesn’t know you. And that includes me.

But I do know something about how the brain works—and how people change.

Over the years, I’ve read countless self-help books to stay current with what’s out there. Many authors clearly mean well and are genuinely excited to share what helped them heal. That kind of vulnerability can be inspiring. But let’s be clear: there is no single path to healing. They're illuminating their path, not yours.

And that’s what self-help often misses. It skips the why.
It skips the you.

Without understanding why your patterns exist—without looking beneath the surface—change won’t stick. That’s where therapy comes in. In therapy, you don’t just absorb someone else’s story. You actively reflect on your own. You begin to understand what shaped you, how you’ve adapted, and what it would actually mean to move forward. Slowly. Sustainably.

Self-help can also fuel perfectionism. It offers a checklist of things to become: more mindful, more productive, more grateful. But when those tools aren’t tailored to your lived reality, they can create a quiet sense of failure.

“Why doesn’t this work for me?”
That question doesn’t lead to growth. It leads to shame.
And shame is where change goes to die.

A book can’t ask follow-up questions.
A book won’t gently hold a mirror to your patterns.
A book can’t help you untangle what’s yours and what was handed to you.
But therapy can.

Therapy centers your voice. It meets you where you are. It helps you connect more deeply with yourself and uncover the why—the key to lasting change.

If you're looking for support that goes deeper than advice or checklists, I offer therapy consultations that focus on your specific story, needs, and values.

Want to start reflecting on your relationship values in the meantime?
You can download my free Values-Informed Dating Worksheet and join the email list for thoughtful, non-performative reflections on growth, relationships, and self-trust.

P.S. I’m creating a guided journal for people who are tired of self-help that skips the self.
It’s called No Answers Necessary—a space for reflection, not perfection.
If you’d like to be the first to know when it launches (and get a sneak peek), you can sign up for updates here.